One of the most winning things about spirits irrepressible is that they always come out swinging. And that resilient spirit was on prideful display at Wimbledon, which respectfully went its traditional way even as the people of London marked the dastardly bombing of the tube with sad but resolute hearts.
Why Al-Qaedas Promise Of Paradise Is Fundamentally Illogical
As we listen to the two principal culprits of Al-Qaeda attempt to motivate the unsuspecting to become suicidal dupes of its ideology, we cannot help but hear that their furious rhetoric is grievously flawed. We decided we might save some lives by bringing to bear on their promise of Paradise via murder the most frightening prospect a furiously brandished lie can confront: logic.
Lets begin by reviewing the fundamental values on which their provocative illogic is based:
1. There is only one true God
2. God is great
3. The way to please God is to kill people who dont believe in Him exactly the way we do.
Well, well, lets have a look-see.
Senior Ticked For Walking Too Slow; Others Try Roller Skates
An 82-year-old woman was recently issued a ticket in California for crossing a street too slowly. A police officer, who arrived on a motorcycle, told her she was obstructing traffic and issued her a summons for $114.
Responding to the uproar caused by the curious traffic ticket, the municipality has begun to wonder if it should work out ways to help seniors cross streets without fear of incurring a penalty.
It is, of course, much too optimistic to hope that the munici…
Movie Stars As Sources Of Wisdom
They bring themselves to our attention by committing to memory, or by reading off one kind of prompter or another, words devised by others. But once they ascend to the starry vault that hovers over us, do we expect of them anything consonant with the ability to recite the usual inanities? No, suddenly we want these storied performers to transform themselves into the wise harbingers of original insight and exemplary advice.
Iraqi Insurgents In Secret Talks; Admit May Be Fighting Wrong Enemy
During secret talks with Iraqi President Jalal Talabani, insurgents admitted they may have been fighting the wrong enemy. Upon hearing the admission, President Talibani slapped his forehead so hard he fell over backwards and was unconscious for approximately three days. Upon being resuscitated, he continued the talks. May the day soon come when enough of the knuckleheads realize the error of their war.
FED Raises Interest Rates, Except On Existing Mortgages
Ruined, ruined well be ruined! a spokesman for Citibank wailed, as it declared record profits. This will break us, a spokewoman for Bank of America bemoaned. Their comments sound reminiscent of the cries that might otherwise echo in the hallways of homes that would, in the wake of rising rates, be foredoomed to foreclosure.
Bush Reveals New Missile Defense; Guides Weapon Back To Launching Pad
Rest easy, America, even when you contemplate the abbreviated flight of North Koreas errant but someday, they hope, long-range Taepodong 2 missile a name that, should the nation ever decide to enter the capitalist hustings, doesnt sound like a very promising appellation for a new car.
In the wake of the miscalculated launch of seven missiles by North Korea, including a Taepodong 2, President Bush told reporter Larry Wing in an exclusive interview, Weve got a missile defense system that will defend our country. We dont just shoot down the enemy missile. We guide it back to where it came from. So anybody who launches a missile at the United States of America better clear out, because soon itll be on the way back at them, point first.
Audit Report on Katrina Debit Cards; Some Recipients Swam In Champagne
A federal audit on the spending proclivities of people who were issued debit cards by FEMA during the Katrina disaster indicates that some of them were swimming in champagne and good stuff, too.
Among the survival rations that were purchased, we find a $200 bottle of champagne, used as a life-saving device at the hurricane shelter known as Hooters. The establishment, upon hearing of the purchase, has nobly agreed to refund the amount to FEMA.
Other items that emergency cards were used to purchase are the following:
A flotation device of questionable effect, called diamond jewelry.
Senate Takes Up Debate On Regular Marriage
The Senate, fresh from its rancorous but indecisive debate on a constitutional amendment that would have banned same-sex marriage, has now taken up debate on an amendment that would ban regular marriage.
A leading Republican senator stated, When you consider how high the divorce rate is, you know there are a lot of unhappy marriages out there between men and women. Im not sure continuing to allow them is in the national interest.
Microsoft Postpones Plan To Introduce At Least One Original Idea
Imagine the complexities, not to mention the complexes, attendant to being the worlds largest software manufacturer when your principal original idea so far has been a cheaper price than Apple?
Microsoft may well qualify as the American company to achieve the most success without introducing to the needy world at least one original idea, unless, of course, a low-down price can be construed as such a welcome contribution.
Lets look at the spotty history of, not innovation, but imitation.
In Response To Miniaturization, Human Hands Get Smaller
Unfortunately, the adaptation is not yet complete, and most human beings are still encumbered with normal-size hands. As a result, they must put up with a certain amount of infuriating digital clumsiness.
Ever attentive to how they might help improve the human body, plastic surgeons have begun to offer a variety of hand-reduction procedures, which range from the conservative approach of washing them in hot water and then desiccating them with hairdryers to the more radical procedure of hand-reduction surgery.
Exactly What Does “Stand Down” Mean?
While were certain that the phrase “stand down,” which we hear with unaccustomed frequency in reference to our someday departure from Iraq, has a long and venerable history, we still cannot help but be niggled by what appears to us the apparent illogic of the postural invocation.
While we are not certain about the general experience of the human race, we are at least in regard to ourselves, pretty well convinced that the idea of stand is strikingly at variance with the positional adjustment required to achieve the state of being down.