One of the most winning things about spirits irrepressible is that they always come out swinging. And that resilient spirit was on prideful display at Wimbledon, which respectfully went its traditional way even as the people of London marked the dastardly bombing of the tube with sad but resolute hearts.
Why Al-Qaedas Promise Of Paradise Is Fundamentally Illogical
As we listen to the two principal culprits of Al-Qaeda attempt to motivate the unsuspecting to become suicidal dupes of its ideology, we cannot help but hear that their furious rhetoric is grievously flawed. We decided we might save some lives by bringing to bear on their promise of Paradise via murder the most frightening prospect a furiously brandished lie can confront: logic.
Lets begin by reviewing the fundamental values on which their provocative illogic is based:
1. There is only one true God
2. God is great
3. The way to please God is to kill people who dont believe in Him exactly the way we do.
Well, well, lets have a look-see.
Radical Muslims Run Afoul Of Kants Categorical Imperative
As if the Muslim religion didnt have enough problems in the often less than mutually tolerant text of the Koran, now its radical exponents have run afoul of Kants ever-present Categorical Imperative.
How?
As Muslim murders Muslim, the warring Sunnis and Shiites each maintain that their religion lends support to their bloody sectarianism. To the extent that it does, it runs counter to Ks Categorical Imperative, which, as every schoolchild in America is taught by the age of five, states, Act only according to that maxim whereby you can at the same time will that it should become a universal law.” In other words, set a good example, in fact, one so laudable we can all join in.
Just Say No To Sex; Dr. Coburn Shows You How!
(Extended spoof, presented In 10 installments of 4 pages each. This is the sixth installment; previous ones are presented below each new installment, in case you miss one or more.)
“Good. You wont be sorry. She knows the material very nearly as well as I do. With that, he handed Dan the issue of Playboy, and said, Review the material while I get her.
Yes, doctor, Dan replied, and accepted his assignment.
He looked over the centerfold, while Dr. Coburn went to get his guest instruc
Hillary Clinton To Become Republican
Hillary Clinton, long famously popular among Democrats but obsessively excoriated by Republicans, has decided to turn the tables on her opponents by becoming one of them. In an interview, Senator Clinton told us, Theres an old political axiom that you never spend any time trying to get the votes you already have. So I decided I didnt have to spend anymore time as a Democrat.”
Chinese Hope To Make British Car That Works
Remember the MG? Worse yet, did you ever own one? Then cower in fear. The Chinese bought the MG brand name and are about to open a plant to build the malfunctioning suckers in Oklahoma.
The Nanjing Automobile Group, which acquired bankrupt MG Rover Group last year, plans to be the first Chinese automaker to open a factory in the US. The product will be called the MG TF Coupe and will be out in 2008.
Lets hope they do a better job with the racy brand than the Brits did.
I never did own an MG, but I owned another British car, a venerable Jaguar, that I had repaired at a place that specialized in servicing MGs.
Here is my story, with one caveat. I understand now that Ford bought the Jag brand, it works better.
America To Sue Rest Of World For Ungrateful Behavior
The lead attorny for America stated, “Will you please tell us what other country in the world, besides your own, you would prefer to possess the amount of power America has. We are, in fact, the first nation in the history of the world that could conquer it but, in addition to being freedom-loving people that the whole idea offends, were savvy business people to know we just cant afford the worldwide upkeep. The only thing that stands in the way of a big win for the U. S. is finding a country where we can conduct the trial.”
Proof Tax Laws Faulty: 9 Out Of 10 Americans Set To Declare Bankruptcy
As the distribution of wealth in America becomes increasingly skewed toward the wealthiest 7% or so of the population, where we find more and more resplendently bedecked billionaires, the income of the other 93% of the populace continues to go the way of the wealthiest. The growing destitution of this significant segment of the population has now become so acute that the majority of Americans are all set to declare bankruptcy.
Just Say No To Sex; Dr. Coburn Shows You How
Then he headed for the door, as Melanie went upstairs. He drew it open, and said, Dan, my boy, come in.
Thank you, Dr. Coburn.
How are things going?
Great! Just great!
Excellent, Dr. Coburn exclaimed. Tell me, how are you dealing with the numerous opportunities that seem to come your way?”
No problem.
Haven’t by any chance succumbed to any, have you?
No, sir.
Not even once?
No, not once, sir, he said, but his voice broke and he seemed remorseful.
Whats wrong, Dan?
I only told you half the truth, sir.
Half?
Im sorry. Help me! I need help!
Dr. Coburn closed the door to his den, and said consolingly, Tell me all about it, son.
I cant believe it but it happened. I had a lapse.
Happy Trails, America! But Where Are They?
Judging by the current national sentiment, Uncle Sam has once again wandered off the happy trails on which wed prefer him to ride. But can we, just the usual joshing sidekick, possibly help him wend his way back through the tumbleweeds?
Well, at least, we can give it a go.
To begin, let’s ask how the most sagely free and prosperous nation can often wander so distressingly far from the path on which we may find the preconditions of contentment, including the wide laudation of our allies, and even encouragement toward our own bliss?
What if we search for clues by separating what has guided us, nationally and internationally, into two visions: the steps we, as a nation, must take and the steps we choose to take.
As you will see in the full story, we will discover, in our search for the way home, where we have often been led astray: primarily, international conduct about which we have a choice.
And we will conclude by saying that what we need is not the coercion of those who disagree with us, but the encouragement of those who wish to emulate us.
What we need is America, not so much as a power in the world, but more as an example that might truly win the world to what we believe are the most salutary ideals.
With such signposts, we might once again find ourselves on happy trails and know, for the first time, how to keep ourselves and our fabled white charger squarely on them.
Bush Sets Aside Hawaii As Nature Preserve; Inhabitants Head For California
One thing you can say about George Bush, when the man decides to do something, his guiding principle does not appear to be moderation, whether its an ill-advised constitutional amendment, a questionable war, or an immoderate nature preserve, in this case, the state of Hawaii.
The area is home to diverse species and certainly merits protection. Unfortunately, among the species were a significant number of long-time inhabitants called Hawaiians.
Upon hearing that their entire land was declared a nature preserve, they began to pack up and head for California.
Al-Qaeda in Iraq Announces New Leader. Or Do They?
In the wake of the sudden death of its now fragmented leader, Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, Al-Qaeda in Iraq polled its somewhat shaken members about who would like to take over Mr. Zarqawis job. After a determined effort, the group was able to find a terrorist who, though expressing understandable reluctance, was eventually persuaded to accept the expectedly short-lived position.