Acting on a tip from a twenty-something couple who entered the trendy club by accident, police raided the boomer hotspot. The owner, who was taken away in cuffs, claimed, I had no idea some of the customers were dropping that stuff. But somehow they were smuggling it past the bouncers Alka-Seltzer, Tums, Rolaids, you name it. Had I known, I would have slipped them some complimentary club soda.
Jimmy Hoffa Continues To Evade FBI
As the FBI, operating on a tip from a prisoner who reported witnessing suspicious activity on the night of Jimmy Hoffas disappearance, continued to search for the former teamster leader, he was somehow still able to evade capture.
Although Mr. Hoffa disappeared over fifty years ago, no sign of him or his remains have been detected, despite numerous tips of eithers possible whereabouts.
Given the run-ins the teamster boss had with the FBI during the period when he was definitely alive, some observes say it is no wonder he refuses to be located.
Gas Prices Go “Gas-tronomical!”
As a result, some surprising new players have entered the gasoline business. Tiffany has announced it plans to install a fuel pump next to the counter in which it displays its most extravagant diamonds. Cartier intends to retail the gaseous bauble in solid-gold thimbles. And DeBeers, the legendary diamond merchant, will promote its pricy petrol with a variation on its usual slogan, “A diamond is forever,” with A tankful is not forever.”
Come Out With Your Checkbook Open
Being a movie buff with smiling memories of Jimmy Cagney, Joey, more in debt than usual, found himself in a familiar role. Joey, do you hear me? the customer service rep called through a bullhorn. This is Verizon.
Whaddaya want? Joey called back. This is a final disconnect notice,” the voice shot back.
Basketball For Short People: Basket To Be Lowered
In an effort to return basketball to the widely popular place it held in the hearts and minds of average-size and short Americans before it became the exclusive province of players whose mothers are suspected of stretching them as infants, The National Basketball Association is considering legitimizing a basket height that will allow even really short people to slam-dunk the ball and hang by the hoop to express their delight over a particularly good play. If the sport for shorts catches on, the association may establish an entirely new league.
The Michelangelo Code; Or How To Let The Da Vinci Code Pass On By
While the usual expectation is that we are simple-minded enough to be caught up in the mass-media Tsunami created by The Da Vinci Code, now a movie starring Tom Hanks, so that we might all the better assist Hollywood in carting off its share of megabucks from this transient tempest for historical tots, let us explore how we might, instead, observe the refitted ancient frigate pass by on times wide and eternal river, as we lounge on the bank in supine placidity, or, as a generous gesture, consent to turn our eyes toward the flick just for the faux tension of it all.
Polar Bears Drowning; Washington Sends Lifejackets
Eskimos are being encouraged to head out onto the ice to save them. But, a tribe member asked, Where are the free life jackets that fit us?