Vice President Cheney, upon his return from a visit to former Soviet Bloc nations, during which he criticized Russian President Putin in unusually direct, if correct, terms, found himself suffering from shortness of breath. Hesitant about consulting a doctor immediately, he performed a self-diagnosis and realized his condition was primarily due to putting his foot in his mouth with alarming frequency.
Knowing the tenuous disposition of his cardiovascular system, he determined to remedy his verbal dereliction and signed up for a course at Dale Carnegie, where he expected to learn How To Win Friends And Influence People.
At his first class, however, he found himself unable to listen calmly to his lecturer and began to dispute with him. Youre just not living in the real world,” he announced. “Let me show you how it really is.
Here are selections from Cheneys revisions of Carnegie’s teachings.
Carnegie: Dont criticize, condemn, or complain.
Cheney: Easy fix. Just erase the word Dont.
Carnegie: Give honest and sincere appreciation.
Cheney: Another easy fix. Lets add back the word Dont.